Funny would you rather questions are the long version of a quick game. Two choices, one answer, but each option is just absurd enough to make a 7-year-old fall off their chair laughing. They work in the back seat on long drives, at restaurants while you are waiting for food, and on any rainy afternoon when “I’m bored” starts.
The 100 questions below are written for ages 5 to 9, the age range where kids have enough imagination to picture “a pet elephant that thinks it is a hamster” but still find the image hilarious five seconds later. Each question is a tiny puzzle: pick a side, then defend your choice. The defense is where the laughing happens.
If your kids already know would you rather, this collection adds new ones to the rotation. If you have been playing this or that questions, would you rather is the longer cousin. Same idea, more story, more setup, and even more chances for them to argue passionately about which option is worse. For open-ended silly questions instead of binary choices, see our 100 Silly Questions to Ask Kids.
How to Play
There is no right way. Read a question, let your kid pick, then ask why. Most kids will explain their answer in a way that surprises you. Some will refuse to pick and demand a third option, which is honestly the most fun version of the game.
Three things that work:
- Read the whole question with full dramatic flair. The funnier you make it sound, the harder they laugh.
- Pick your own answer too. Kids engage twice as hard when it is a back-and-forth, not an interview.
- Let the tangent happen. If a question about pet flamingos turns into a ten-minute conversation about whether birds remember their dreams, follow it. The question is just a doorway.
1. Animals and Nature
Animals are already funny to kids. Add a small twist (a sloth that is suspiciously fast, a goldfish that gives bad advice) and you get the kind of question they will bring up at school the next day.
1. Would you rather have a pet elephant that thinks it is a hamster, or a pet hamster that thinks it is an elephant?
2. Would you rather be able to talk to dogs but only about food, or talk to cats but they completely ignore you?
3. Would you rather have a pet flamingo that follows you everywhere, or a pet penguin that refuses to share its fish?
4. Would you rather grow flowers from your fingertips, or grow tiny mushrooms from your toes?
5. Would you rather be able to fly like a bird but only backwards, or swim like a fish but only in the bathtub?
6. Would you rather ride to school on a giraffe, or be carried in the pouch of a giant kangaroo?
7. Would you rather have a goldfish that gives terrible advice, or a parrot that only ever says “uh-oh”?
8. Would you rather have hair made of grass, or fingernails made of leaves?
9. Would you rather have a tail that wags when you are happy, or whiskers that twitch when you are hungry?
10. Would you rather sneeze butterflies, or hiccup tiny rainbows?
11. Would you rather be friends with a really shy dragon, or a really loud unicorn?
12. Would you rather wake up and find a baby duck following you, or a baby skunk?
13. Would you rather have a pet octopus that keeps stealing your snacks, or a pet sloth that takes an hour to high-five you?
14. Would you rather be able to turn into a bird for one hour a day, or a fish for one hour a day?
15. Would you rather have a pet spider the size of a kitten, or a pet kitten with eight legs?
16. Would you rather sweat ketchup when you are hot, or cry chocolate sauce when you are sad?
17. Would you rather have polka-dot skin like a giraffe, or stripes like a zebra?
18. Would you rather hear what trees are thinking, or smell what flowers are saying?
19. Would you rather have a pet T-rex that is afraid of butterflies, or a pet bunny that thinks it is a T-rex?
20. Would you rather have ears that wiggle when you laugh, or feet that go “boing” when you walk?
21. Would you rather have a pet bee that follows you everywhere but only buzzes the alphabet, or a pet snail that is surprisingly good at giving directions?
22. Would you rather meet a dinosaur that only eats vegetables, or a dragon that only breathes warm soup?
23. Would you rather find a frog that grants three wishes but only for snacks, or a turtle that gives great advice but takes a year to finish a sentence?
24. Would you rather have a pet horse that can only be ridden sideways, or a pet zebra that can only be ridden upside down?
25. Would you rather be able to talk to squirrels but they only argue with you, or to pigeons but they only complain about the weather?
2. Gross and Silly
At ages 5 to 9, gross is funny. Mixing two normal foods that should never go together gets the same laugh as a bathroom joke, with the added bonus of a real choice they have to defend.
26. Would you rather eat a pizza topped with pickles and ice cream, or a sandwich made of jelly beans and mayonnaise?
27. Would you rather have toothpaste that tastes like pizza, or shampoo that smells like french fries?
28. Would you rather drink a milkshake made entirely of broccoli, or eat a brownie made entirely of mustard?
29. Would you rather have ten birthday cakes a year but they all taste like asparagus, or one perfect chocolate cake but only on leap years?
30. Would you rather sneeze every time you eat candy, or burp every time you drink water?
31. Would you rather find a worm in your apple and have to eat the whole thing, or find a hair in your spaghetti and have to eat the whole bowl?
32. Would you rather only eat foods that are green for a week, or only foods that are yellow for a week?
33. Would you rather have a hot dog that talks back, or a hamburger that giggles when you bite it?
34. Would you rather have to eat lunch upside down forever, or eat dinner with your feet forever?
35. Would you rather have ice cream that comes in flavors like “grass clippings” and “old socks,” or pizza that comes in flavors like “wet dog” and “rainy day”?
36. Would you rather burp the alphabet every time you sneeze, or hum a song every time you laugh?
37. Would you rather find a bug in every salad you ever eat, or a tiny rock in every cookie?
38. Would you rather take a bath in chocolate pudding, or shampoo your hair with maple syrup?
39. Would you rather have a kitchen that only makes breakfast food, or one that only makes dessert?
40. Would you rather smell like onions for a week, or have onion-flavored breath for a month?
41. Would you rather have spaghetti hair that grows back when you eat it, or fingernails made of carrot sticks?
42. Would you rather only eat cereal with juice instead of milk, or only eat sandwiches with the bread on the inside?
43. Would you rather have a refrigerator that is always full but everything is one bite size, or a freezer that is always empty but ice cream sometimes appears?
44. Would you rather have shoes filled with pudding, or socks filled with marshmallows?
45. Would you rather have to chew every meal for ten minutes per bite, or only get to eat foods that start with the letter B?
46. Would you rather drink a smoothie made of pickles, peanut butter, and mustard, or eat a sandwich with toothpaste, sardines, and grape jelly?
47. Would you rather have a banana that screams when you peel it, or an apple that giggles when you bite it?
48. Would you rather find a tiny chef inside your cupcake, or a tiny rock band inside your bowl of soup?
49. Would you rather have a sneeze that smells like garlic, or a yawn that sounds like a foghorn?
50. Would you rather lick a frozen flagpole in winter, or step barefoot on a wet sponge in someone else’s kitchen?
3. Superpowers and Silly Scenarios
Limited or oddly specific superpowers are funnier than perfect ones. The fun comes from the limit, not the power. A flying carpet that only goes walking speed beats one that just flies, every time.
51. Would you rather be invisible but only for ten seconds at a time, or super fast but only when you are going somewhere boring?
52. Would you rather be able to fly but only six inches off the ground, or be able to teleport but only into the same room you are already in?
53. Would you rather have super strength but only for lifting library books, or super speed but only when no one is watching?
54. Would you rather be able to read minds but only of cats, or talk to ghosts but only about sandwiches?
55. Would you rather have a magic wand that grants any wish but only on Tuesdays, or a flying carpet that only goes the speed of a slow walk?
56. Would you rather be able to control the weather but only inside your bedroom, or freeze time but only for thirty seconds a day?
57. Would you rather wear a cape that gives you superpowers but it is hot pink with hearts, or a costume that is invisible but everyone keeps tripping on you?
58. Would you rather be able to shrink to the size of an ant, or grow to the size of a giraffe?
59. Would you rather be able to talk to your stuffed animals, or have your stuffed animals come alive but only when you are asleep?
60. Would you rather have a magic mirror that always tells you what is for dinner, or a magic alarm clock that wakes you up exactly when something fun is about to happen?
61. Would you rather wake up in a video game but you are a side character, or wake up in a fairy tale but you are a tree?
62. Would you rather have a robot best friend who is always sad, or a unicorn pet who is always grumpy?
63. Would you rather be able to walk through walls but you cannot stop, or fly through the air but you cannot go down?
64. Would you rather have x-ray vision but only for empty boxes, or super hearing but only for what bugs are saying?
65. Would you rather be able to breathe underwater but you cannot swim, or breathe fire but only when you sneeze?
66. Would you rather have a superhero name that nobody can pronounce, or a superhero costume that is also pajamas?
67. Would you rather have an invisible best friend who gives bad advice, or a robot best friend who only knows three jokes?
68. Would you rather be able to time travel but only by exactly one minute, or visit any planet in space but only for a snack break?
69. Would you rather have a spaceship that is the size of a shoebox, or a submarine that is bigger than your house?
70. Would you rather be a wizard whose spells only work on socks, or a knight whose sword only cuts vegetables?
71. Would you rather have a secret door in your bedroom that only leads to the kitchen, or a secret tunnel under your bed that only leads to your backyard?
72. Would you rather be able to swap places with your pet for a day, or with your favorite cartoon character for an hour?
73. Would you rather wear a hat that gives you any answer to any question (but it is wrong half the time), or shoes that take you anywhere (but only at running speed)?
74. Would you rather have a sidekick who is a talking pencil, or an enemy who is a really polite owl?
75. Would you rather build a treehouse that floats on clouds, or a sandcastle that nobody can knock down?
4. School, Family, and Friends
These take ordinary parts of your kid’s day and make them strange. The humor is in the recognition. They know what homework feels like, so the picture of homework that does itself but gets every answer wrong lands instantly.
76. Would you rather have homework that does itself but it gets all the answers wrong, or a teacher who only speaks in rhymes?
77. Would you rather have to do a class presentation while wearing a chicken costume, or take a math test while standing on one foot?
78. Would you rather have a backpack that is always full of snacks but they are all weird flavors, or a lunchbox that talks back when you open it?
79. Would you rather have a school uniform that changes color based on your mood, or shoes that squeak loudly with every step?
80. Would you rather have a substitute teacher who is actually a robot, or one who is actually a wizard but a really bad one?
81. Would you rather have to clean your room with a toothbrush, or vacuum the whole house using only your mouth?
82. Would you rather have a sibling who never stops singing, or a sibling who only communicates through sign language they made up?
83. Would you rather your parents speak to you only in baby talk for a week, or only in song lyrics for a month?
84. Would you rather have a bathtub that fills with bubbles automatically but they are scratchy, or a bed that makes itself but it never stops moving?
85. Would you rather have a fridge that announces every snack you take, or a TV that pauses for a quiz every five minutes?
86. Would you rather take the school bus driven by a friendly monster, or walk to school with a parrot on your shoulder?
87. Would you rather sit next to someone who hums constantly, or someone who taps their pencil all day?
88. Would you rather have a class pet that is a tiny dragon, or a class pet that is a giant goldfish?
89. Would you rather have library books that read themselves out loud at full volume, or pencils that giggle every time you write?
90. Would you rather your bed makes itself every morning but tucks you in too tight, or your alarm clock plays your favorite song but only the same five seconds on repeat?
91. Would you rather be an only child for a day, or have ten siblings for a day?
92. Would you rather have a remote control that pauses time during chores, or one that fast-forwards through bedtime?
93. Would you rather wear shoes that are two sizes too big, or a shirt that is three sizes too small?
94. Would you rather your parents pick out your clothes every day for a year, or you pick out their clothes for a year?
95. Would you rather have to eat lunch alone in the cafeteria, or have lunch with the principal every day?
96. Would you rather have a desk that organizes itself but loudly judges your handwriting, or a chair that gives great advice but only about cereal?
97. Would you rather your house always smell like fresh cookies but you can never eat them, or always smell like sunscreen but it is never sunny?
98. Would you rather forget every rule of every game you play, or forget every joke right before the punchline?
99. Would you rather have a friend who texts you every two minutes, or one you can only see in person but they live three streets over?
100. Would you rather have to wear pajamas to school, or wear school clothes to bed every night?
How to Take These Deeper
Funny Would You Rather is great for warming up. Once your kid has been laughing for ten minutes about whether they would rather sneeze butterflies or hiccup rainbows, their guard is down. That is when the deeper questions land.
If you want to keep the rhythm going but go somewhere real, Tell Me Cards is a 107-card conversation deck built for ages 5 to 9. The questions are open-ended rather than would-you-rather, designed to pull something real from your child once they have stopped laughing. Prompts like “what do you worry about at night?” or “when did you feel really brave?” land differently after twenty minutes of silliness than they would cold.
Many families use a mix of both. Funny would you rather for the warm-up. Tell Me Cards for the actual conversation that follows.
If you want the quick-fire version of funny binary choices, see 100 Funny This or That Questions. For real food-themed choices instead of silly ones, see 100 This or That Food Questions. For deeper open-ended conversation, our 200 Questions to Ask Kids post is the longer-form companion.
Frequently Asked Questions
What age are funny would you rather questions best for?
The questions in this post are written for ages 5 to 9. Younger kids (3 to 4) can play but might need extra time to picture each scenario. Older kids (10+) usually want their own age-appropriate would-you-rathers, which tend to involve more strategy and less butterflies-or-rainbows.
How many should we play in one sitting?
Most families run out of steam after 8 to 12 questions. Funny questions take longer than this-or-that because each one needs setup time and the laughter that follows. On road trips you can stretch this to 30 or 40 in a row, but watch for shorter answers as the sign you have gone past the sweet spot.
What is the difference between would you rather and this or that?
Would you rather is the long-format version. The questions are full scenarios with tradeoffs, often surreal. This or that is the quick-fire version. Two short options, pick one. Both formats work for kids 5 to 9, just at different paces. If your kid prefers the quick format, our 300 this or that questions for kids is the companion piece.
How do we come up with our own funny questions?
The formula is two parts. Pick something normal, then twist one part to make it absurd. “Would you rather have a pet dog or pet cat” becomes funny when it is “would you rather have a pet dog that is afraid of grass, or a pet cat that thinks it is a duck.” Take any boring question and exaggerate one side. Most kids will start writing their own within five minutes.
Are these good for the classroom?
Yes. Teachers often use funny Would You Rather as a morning meeting question, an icebreaker after a break, or a transition activity. The Animals and Nature and Superpowers categories tend to be safest for group settings. Skip the “Gross and Silly” category if you are worried about cafeteria copycats.
Keep the Conversation Going
If your kid loved these, take the next step. Tell Me Cards is a 107-card deck of proprietary conversation cards designed for families with kids ages 5 to 9. Written from a research foundation, organized across seven areas of a child’s inner world, and built for the everyday moments at dinner, bedtime, or in the car.