Funny this or that questions are the quickest way to make a kid laugh out loud. Two choices, both ridiculous, no time to overthink it. They work in the back seat on long drives, at restaurants while you’re waiting for food, in the cereal aisle when “I’m bored” hits, or any moment you need to break a silence.
The 100 questions below are written for ages 5 to 9, the age range where kids find absurd combinations like “pizza topped with marshmallows” instantly hilarious and will spend three minutes arguing about which option is grosser. Each question is meant to be quick-fire. Read it, get an answer in two seconds, then ask why and watch the giggling start.
This post is the quick-format companion to our 300 This or That Questions for Kids pillar. If you want longer-form binary scenarios with full setups, see the 100 Funny Would You Rather Questions for Kids for the bigger version.
How to Play
Three rules: read the question, let your kid pick, then ask why.
The why is where the laughs happen. “Pizza with marshmallows or pizza with pickles?” gets a quick answer. “Why marshmallows?” gets a five-minute argument about whether sweet or salty is grosser on top of cheese. Follow the tangent. The question is just a doorway. The conversation that follows is the actual game.
A few things that make this work:
- Read the question with full dramatic flair. The funnier you make it sound, the harder they laugh.
- Pick your own answer too. Kids engage twice as hard when it is a back and forth, not an interview.
- Don’t try to win. Half the answers will make no sense. That’s the point.
1. Food and Drink
The questions kids ages 5 to 9 fall off their chairs laughing at, because at this age, food humor is the easiest humor.
1. Pizza topped with marshmallows or pizza topped with pickles?
2. Spaghetti with peanut butter or cereal with hot sauce?
3. Broccoli ice cream or pickle juice slushie?
4. Hot dog with whipped cream or hamburger with chocolate chips?
5. Soup made of jelly beans or sandwich made of cookies?
6. Toothpaste-flavored gum or grass-flavored candy?
7. Cake that tastes like socks or pie that tastes like dirt?
8. Pancakes shaped like fish or waffles shaped like spiders?
9. Smoothie of broccoli or salad made of pizza?
10. Mustard milkshake or ketchup ice cream?
11. Onion-flavored bubble gum or garlic candy canes?
12. Spaghetti with chopsticks or sushi with a spoon?
13. Bowl of just one giant noodle or bowl of a thousand tiny ones?
14. Banana-flavored pizza or pickle-flavored pasta?
15. Tomato sauce on cereal or syrup on pasta?
16. Spaghetti for breakfast or pancakes for dinner?
17. Sandwich the size of your head or hamburger the size of your finger?
18. Eat a meal in reverse (dessert first) or eat a meal blindfolded?
19. A pizza that giggles or a sandwich that talks back?
20. Eat a worm-shaped jellybean or a jellybean-shaped worm?
2. Animals and Creatures
A pet hippo, a hamster who thinks it’s a tiger, a goldfish that gives bad advice. Kids 5 to 9 will defend their answer like their honor depends on it.
21. Pet hippo or pet hedgehog?
22. Sneezing kitten or hiccupping puppy?
23. Bunny that thinks it is a frog or frog that thinks it is a bunny?
24. Talking goldfish or singing parrot?
25. Tiny T-rex or giant lizard?
26. Sleepy sloth or hyper hamster?
27. Cat that barks or dog that meows?
28. Polka-dot zebra or striped giraffe?
29. Penguin in pajamas or duck in a skirt?
30. Pet shark in your bathtub or pet bear in your bedroom?
31. Friendly snake or grumpy unicorn?
32. Pet dragon that breathes bubbles or pet phoenix that lays jellybean eggs?
33. Cat that wears a hat or dog that wears glasses?
34. Goat that knows your name or sheep that finishes your sentences?
35. Tiny giraffe or giant ant?
36. Pet snail with a backpack or pet turtle with a baseball cap?
37. Color-changing fish or glow-in-the-dark chameleon?
38. Squirrel that delivers mail or pigeon that delivers pizza?
39. Pet dinosaur in your closet or pet alien in your fridge?
40. A talking dog who never stops or a quiet cat who only nods?
3. Superpowers and Magic
Limited and weirdly specific superpowers are funnier than perfect ones. The fun is in the limit, not the power.
41. Invisible feet or invisible hat?
42. Super speed but only sideways or super strength but only when nobody is watching?
43. Magic wand that only does small spells or magic broom that only sweeps once a year?
44. Read minds but only of dogs or talk to ghosts but only about cereal?
45. Fly upside down or run on water?
46. Shrink to the size of a pea or grow to the size of a hot air balloon?
47. Magic shoes that only walk backwards or magic gloves that only clap?
48. Time travel one minute back or time travel one minute forward?
49. Talk to plants or talk to clouds?
50. Predict the weather but only about rain or predict the future but only about snacks?
51. Make any food appear but it is all green or make any drink appear but it is all sour?
52. Teleport but only to your kitchen or fly but only one foot off the ground?
53. Live in a treehouse on the moon or in a sandcastle at the bottom of the sea?
54. Magical pet rock or magical pet sock?
55. Wear a cape that gives you wings or boots that bounce?
56. Sidekick who is a talking bunny or sidekick who is a polite owl?
57. Breathe underwater for an hour or hold your breath on land for a year?
58. Turn anything into chocolate or turn anything into pillows?
59. Magic backpack that is always full or magic lunchbox that picks weird flavors?
60. Magic that only works on Tuesdays or magic that only works at bedtime?
4. Gross and Silly
The category that makes 7-year-olds fall off the couch. Use sparingly if you do not want it repeated at school.
61. Burps that smell like flowers or farts that play music?
62. Boogers shaped like stars or earwax shaped like hearts?
63. Sneeze glitter or hiccup confetti?
64. Stinky feet but pretty smile or pretty feet but stinky breath?
65. Step in mud barefoot or sit on a wet sponge?
66. Toothpaste that tastes like cheese or shampoo that smells like pickles?
67. Bath in green slime or shower in pink jelly?
68. Wear shoes full of pudding or socks full of marshmallows?
69. Lick a flagpole or step on a slug?
70. Garlic gum or onion popsicle?
71. Cry chocolate sauce or sneeze whipped cream?
72. Spaghetti hair or noodle eyebrows?
73. Wash your hair with mustard or brush your teeth with ketchup?
74. Find a hair in your soup or a worm in your apple?
75. Pet a slimy slug or kiss a frog?
76. Brush your teeth with peanut butter or wash your face with jelly?
77. Sandwich found in the couch or cookie found in the bathroom?
78. Sneeze sparkles or burp tiny soap bubbles?
79. Step on a Lego barefoot or step on gum?
80. Itchy all over for an hour or sticky all over for a whole day?
5. School and Family
The everyday weirdness category. Everything they recognize from real life, twisted just enough to be funny.
81. Homework that does itself badly or no homework but extra chores?
82. Wear pajamas to school or wear school clothes to bed?
83. Teacher who only sings or teacher who only whispers?
84. Pencil that giggles or eraser that complains?
85. Sit next to someone who hums or someone who taps?
86. Sibling who never stops talking or sibling who only nods?
87. Recess in the rain or recess in the snow?
88. Lunchbox that talks or backpack that hums?
89. Teacher who is a robot or teacher who is a friendly monster?
90. Take a math test in your pajamas or do a presentation in a costume?
91. Dad who sings every sentence or mom who answers in rhymes?
92. Family pet that is a giant rabbit or family pet that is a tiny pony?
93. Class that is all art or class that is all music?
94. Read a book out loud to the class or write a poem on the chalkboard?
95. School bus driver who tells jokes or one who tells riddles?
96. Shoes that squeak when you walk or shoes that whistle when you run?
97. School cafeteria that only serves dessert or one that only serves breakfast food?
98. Library books that read themselves or pencils that write the answers?
99. Ride to school on a unicycle or on a tandem bike with a sibling?
100. Spend a week at grandma’s house or a week at the zoo?
How to Take These Deeper
Funny this or that questions are great for warming up. Once your kid has been laughing about pickle pizza for ten minutes, the next category of question lands easier. They are warmed up, you have their attention, and the gross-funny humor has lowered the bar for what counts as conversation.
Once you have burned through the binary choices and want something deeper, Tell Me Cards is a 107-card conversation deck for families with kids ages 5 to 9. The questions are open-ended rather than binary choice, designed to pull something real from your child once they have stopped laughing. Most families use the funny stuff for the warm-up and the deck for the actual conversation that follows.
If you want real food choices instead of absurd ones, see 100 This or That Food Questions. For open-ended questions that go deeper than binary choice, 200 Questions to Ask Kids is our long-form post.
Frequently Asked Questions
What's the difference between funny this or that and regular this or that questions?
Same format, different vibe. Regular this or that asks “pizza or pasta?” with both options being real things kids actually like. Funny this or that pairs absurd or gross options (“pizza topped with marshmallows or pizza topped with pickles?”) that don’t have a serious answer. The fun is in the impossibility of either choice. Both formats work for ages 5 to 9; this version skews more toward laughter and away from real preference.
How is this different from funny would you rather questions?
This or that is quicker. Each question is two short options that take two seconds to answer. Would you rather is longer scenarios with full setups, like “would you rather have a pet dragon that breathes fire but cannot fly, or a pet pegasus that can fly but is afraid of heights?” For shorter attention spans or quick fire-rounds, this or that wins. For long car rides where you want bigger laughs per question, the funny would you rather post is the longer-form companion.
How many should we play in one sitting?
Most kids will run out of steam after 15 to 20 quick-fire questions. The format is short enough that you can rip through 30 in a row on a road trip without losing energy. Watch for shorter answers as the sign you have gone past the sweet spot. When the answers turn into one-word picks with no laughter, stop.
How do we make up our own funny ones?
Take any normal this or that question and twist one or both options into something gross or absurd. “Pizza or pasta” becomes “pizza topped with mustard or pasta with peanut butter sauce.” The simpler the twist, the funnier it lands. Most kids will be inventing their own within five minutes of playing.
Keep the Conversation Going
If your kid loved these, take the next step. Tell Me Cards is a 107-card deck of conversation cards designed for families with kids ages 5 to 9. Written from a research foundation in child psychology, organized across seven areas of a child’s inner world, and built for the everyday moments at dinner, bedtime, or in the car.